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So many times I've heard a man say to a friend, "Don't bother trying to understand women." I've also heard many women say things like, "What is wrong with him? I just can't figure him out!". It's fairly obvious that men and women have quite a few differences and needs. To give you a quick "needs summary", these are the top needs on both sides (from what I've discovered in my 18+ years of marriage so far):
In fact, my own husband said if there could only be 2 items on the men's list, it would be respect and sex/intimacy! As he says, "We are simple creatures." Ladies, you know that those may not really be our top 2 deep needs! Nice, yes...Top 2, maybe not. However, understand that men actually feel disrespected and emotionally shut down when their wives commonly refuse sexual intimacy. Interesting, eh? And men, when women feel insecure about their relationship, it's bad news for all. We need to see that you're providing financially, being faithful, and protecting us (physically and emotionally). A fair number of women I know have distrust issues with men, and their husbands are wise to overcome that with the love and security part.
All of these differences make our relationships both challenging and interesting. Think about this: Our differences may cause struggles, misunderstandings and a steep learning curve, but they also bring an exciting partnership and the sense that we are completed by the other person. They bring strengths that we do not have to the relationship, and vice-versa. Together, we are one unit, capable of much more than when we are by ourselves.
It's not God's mean trick to bring two people together who are so innately different. We need to experience a relationship journey with another person who we have to grow and develop with. Couples need to put all selfishness aside, and seek to understand the other person's inner-most being, which is different from their own tendencies.
Hopefully you're grasping the point. Yes, we are different. No, it's not easy. Yes, it is worth the effort. When each person feels that their needs are being met, a cyclical process happens. The woman feels loved and secure in their relationship and she can freely give respect to, and care for her husband. Similarly, the same goes for the man - when he feels respected and cared for by his wife, it is easy to love and cherish her. The problem comes when a breakdown occurs, often then causing resistance, frustration, and unmet needs on both sides. If you feel like your relationship has broken down in this area of "needs", be the first person to start up the cycle again. Give your partner what they need, even if you don't get what you need in return right away. You will be pleasantly surprised what will happen with time.
Just keepin' it real. Be blessed
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