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  Hello, Miscommunication?  Emotions Speaking...  Beginning to understand logical vs. emotional tendencies in relationship communication.

by Krista Dunk, NWweddingplace.com

Do you tend to be either a logical or an emotional person?  Is your spouse or fiancι the opposite?  If so, you will need to reconcile your communication styles to ensure that you are each understood.  As if the differences between men and women isn't already enough... your brain and personality have certain tendencies that shape the way you communicate and process thoughts and situations. 

Communication is one of the most important ingredients to relationship success and fulfillment.  Even if you are both similar in your tendencies, this can also cause miscommunication problems.  As an example, let's say there's a 1-10 scale with these personality tendencies, with 1 as very logical and 10 as very emotional.  It's a rare person who would be a 1 or a 10, but people generally lean towards one end or the other.  Let's take a moment to give some extreme examples of each style. 

LOGICAL - They processes situations with facts and truth, or perceived truth.  Emotions are either not well understood, are uncomfortable to show or discuss, or lie under the surface and come out only when necessary.  These people feel that problems and miscommunications are 'solved' (or mostly solved) once they are discussed.  Caution - logical minded people can sometimes not identify with or understand the feelings of others easily.  They may need to learn how to communicate with people and learn how to communicate their own emotions.  If logical people repetitively hold their emotions in, it may potentially lead to emotional blow-ups or health issues. 
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EMOTIONAL - Emotional people tend to process situations, conflict and problems through their emotions, or feelings that arise with each event.  A conversation happens, a certain emotion arises, and that becomes their state of mind until it can be properly released, or 'emoted'.  Sometimes, they are guarded and don't want to let people into their world for fear of emotional pain.  Caution - some emotional people can be easily offended and may feel misunderstood by others.  This group needs to learn to have dominion over their emotions, rather than their emotions "taking them for a ride".  Highly emotional people can get emotionally overwhelmed easily, which can potentially lead to health problems.

Honestly, sometimes facts conflict with emotions, and emotions conflict with facts. Imagine this hypothetical situation; A husband (who tends to be logical in his thought patterns) decides to set up overnight travel reservations for he and his wife (on the more emotional side), since they briefly discussed it the night before. He happily informs her of their upcoming plans and feels satisfied with his 'find'.  She feels put off that he did not consult with her about reservations and immediately shows that her feelings are hurt.  He is dumbfounded, since in his mind, that is what they talked about and besides, he saved 20% by booking today.  The rest of the evening, he feels confused by her emotional response, and she feels like he doesn't care about her feelings or input. Both parties feel their viewpoint is entirely valid, which is true!
 

In this example, the husband could have communicated the reservation plans before they were finalized to include his wife's opinion (so she would have felt included in decisions).  The wife could have conveyed that desire verbally (so it made sense to his logical mind why she was upset), and then also been appreciative that her husband was proactive in making a special plan happen for them.  Emotional people should not automatically trust their own feelings and emotions, since they could be untrustworthy and irrational at times!  On the other hand, it's very dangerous for logical people to discount the feelings of the person they're in relationship with, or even their own.   

Maybe you and your mate are both fairly logical minded?  If so, understand that intimately sharing thoughts, dreams, feelings, hopes, concerns, and emotions will strengthen your bond and will give you a better understanding of each other.  By not doing so, you are loosing out on the 'buried treasure' inside of your mate, and possibly inside of yourself.  Be trustworthy with the emotional information that your spouse expresses.  This will make it easier to share in the future.  By sharing similar logical tendencies, you'll probably notice a nice collaboration and unity when handling exterior challenges or opportunities that come along.

Maybe you and your mate tend to both be on the emotional side?  If so, be sure not to hold onto negative emotions which lead to bitterness and unforgiveness. Also, think through your emotions and feelings before you let them flow out and offend, and end up needing to do some "clean up" later.  Try not to dwell on offenses or let feelings run wild, as this will lead you where you don't want to go psychologically.  By sharing similar emotional tendencies, you'll probably experience high 'highs' and low 'lows' that will increasingly bond your hearts as you move through life together.

If marriage relationships were easy, then there would be no such thing as divorce.  Unfortunately, lack of communication skills kills many marriages.  Even learning and gaining new knowledge about our differences can help spark new perspectives and understanding towards our spouses. Know your own style and be aware of how you can improve your communication skills.  If necessary, seek the advice of a good, wise friend who can tell you the truth about where you could improve.  The best thing we can do is keep communication open and honest, without shame or blame.  It may require us to change some of our habits and thoughts, but your loving relationship is worth working for.

Copyright NWweddingplace.com 2008. All information contained herein is intellectual property and copyrighted by www.NWweddingplace.com. For information regarding use of this article, please contact article-inquiries@NWweddingplace.com.

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