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Complete Article: The #1 Relationship-Killing Personality Trait
We all have a twinge of it here and there... Some more than others. It's something that makes even 2-year-olds fight... This expression shows it - "What have you done for me lately?" You may have guessed it by now. The #1, relationship-killing personality trait is selfishness.
So what is the real definition of selfishness? According to Webster's Dictionary, selfishness is defined as, "concerned excessively or exclusively with oneself: seeking or concentrating on one's own advantage, pleasure, or well-being without regard for others". What are some examples of selfishness in marriage? Disrespect, valuing only ones' own opinion or viewpoint, putting the relationship low on the priority scale while valuing individual self highly, deceit, emotional manipulation, being a 'taker' but not a 'giver', being lazy in showing affection, not resolving known issues, causing unwanted debt, dominating conversation, insensitivity regarding the sexual needs of their partner, resenting commitment, not listening, and the list goes on.
Marriage is brutal for a highly-selfish person, and for their spouse! Being selfish is actually a devastating personality trait to have in many other areas of life too, such as friendship, work, business partnerships, finances, raising children, etc. Selfishness is the root cause of many other negative traits and actions, like greed, neglect, manipulation, infidelity, immaturity, loneliness, and dishonesty.
What happens if you are engaged or married to a very selfish person? Or maybe it's you who is plagued by the selfish streak? Often, it's a matter of maturity. Not physical maturity... Emotional maturity needs to develop. Step 1 is to recognize there is a problem. It's often easy to recognize it in someone else, but until the guilty party sees it in themselves, there isn't a lot of improvement that can take place. If it can be acknowledged, then something can be done! Step 2 then, would be to discuss it rationally. The selfish person must understand the negative affect their selfishness causes. It may have been such an ingrained lifestyle, that they don't know any better yet. If they are willing to change, then progress can happen! Step 3 is to re-learn and purposefully make thought process and habit changes. Step 4 is "maintenance" of the new attitudes, actions and growth.
People can change - but only if they want to. It's very risky to take a highly-selfish person on as a "project"! Marriage is much more rewarding when two people are partners that really cherish and care for each other unselfishly. Nobody is perfect, but imagine being in a relationship where both people go the extra mile whenever possible. That would be a sweet spot to stay in. Find the sweet spot.
Just keepin' it real ☺. Be blessed!
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