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Complete Article:
  De-Mystifying the Relationship Hopping Habit. 
Do you have repetitive relationship failures & aren't sure why?

by Krista Dunk, NWweddingplace.com

Does this story sound familiar? Girl meets boy. Girl and boy are an item... for a while.  Something goes horribly wrong and you wonder if you'll ever find the right person. You keep looking.  Girl meets new boy. New boy seems fun.  Something goes horribly wrong. You wonder what the heck is wrong with everyone. Eventually girl meets new boy. Disaster strikes.  You're depressed.  

If you have a track record of failed relationships, you are probably wondering why!  From my observations, I've noticed two typical reasons:

1. You make the same bad choice for a mate each time, i.e., you choose people with the same problems over and over.  Maybe it's alcoholics, slackers, emotionally needy people, immature, someone with very low self esteem, serial adulterers, anger management problems, abusive, controlling, poverty mentality, and the lovely list could go on.  Why does this happen?  If you notice a repeating pattern of bad partner choices, where different people have the same or similar problems or personalities, one of two things could be happening. 

a. Either that problem or personality type is somehow familiar and comfortable to you (even though it's bad), or you have a problem with your own self-worth.  You may have been shown a bad relationship example while you were growing up and now that has become your relationship cycle because it's familiar.  While growing up, you may have been used to a great deal of conflict, and you unknowingly recreate that in your own choices.

b. Or maybe you feel like you don't deserve to be with a nice person.  Somehow you've come to believe that you're not good enough to have a peaceful, loving relationship with someone caring. 

Once you become aware of your habit of bad choices in partners, it then becomes your responsibility to make a change from that point forward.  If you don't, your bad relationships are then your fault!

2. You have a poor understanding of relationship skills, whether you realize it or not.  Can it really be everyone else's issues, problems, wrongdoing, or fault causing your failed relationships every time? Maybe, but almost certainly not. Often, people go through life feeling like they've been victimized by everyone - the "victim mentality".  Maybe you are the one with some of the problems on the list above?!  On a lesser scale, maybe you're just unaware of of how to choose a mate or you have not addressed the things you need to change about yourself (or you are aware, but are unwilling to change). People are not generally good at figuring out what their own blind spots and problems are. Somehow it's much easier to notice what's wrong with other people!  That's not usually intentional - it's just a human tendency. If you want to stay blissfully ignorant about your shortcomings, by all means that's your choice.  However, it will also leave you ignorant (although not so blissfully) about why your relationships "never work out".

Break the cycle of relationship hopping!  Somehow people think that things will be different and better if they start over in a new relationship instead of working on the one they have. Many hop out of a "bad" relationship into a new one. Sure the new relationship will be different... at first... then it's back to the same old story/different day.  Wherever you go, there you are.  Every relationship you're in... you are in it! You don't magically change habits, thought processes, language use, communication skills, personality traits, or dedication level just because a new face is looking at you.  You can't escape yourself!  Do some soul searching, discover your inner values, speak with a trusted friend, or go for some professional counseling, to find out why you are continually frustrated in finding a wonderful mate.

Having said that, in certain cases it's necessary to escape the negative characteristics of someone else by ending a relationship because you truly have been victimized.  Sometimes that IS absolutely necessary in cases of personal safety, broken trust issues, illegal activities, adultery, or other serious problems.  Sometimes both people bring something to the "table" that causes or exaggerates relational struggles - large scale or small.  Even discovering your own bad choices habit (if you have one) will open your eyes to how you may be sabotaging yourself. 

Those who are willing to put forth the effort and work on their joint relationship problems (and take responsibility for their individual part of it) can break the cycle of broken relationships.  Putting serious issues aside, most relationships can be salvaged if both people are willing to take a genuine look at themselves and how they interact together. 

Copyright NWweddingplace.com 2008. All information contained herein is intellectual property and copyrighted by www.NWweddingplace.com. For information regarding use of this article, please contact article-inquiries@NWweddingplace.com.

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